pregnant and loving it?

20 January 2010 at 6:55 pm Leave a comment

I am not one of those glowly pregnant mama types. I mean, sure, I glow but it’s straight up pregnancy hormones making me shiny not any kind of inner beam of sunshine and glory. I loved feeling my firstborn’s kicks and I loved my big belly. I even loved my labor and delivery, despite the fact that things went longer and not entirely in the direction that we had planned. But generally, being pregnant, I didn’t like it at all.

Basically I’m a selfish person, and always having to think about this other teeny tiny person’s well being got old for me really fast. I missed the occasional glass of wine or beer (I am actually not necessarily an advocate of NO alcohol during pregnancy! But it isn’t something I chose to participate in during either pregnancy so far). I missed being able to stay awake past 10 o’clock. I missed clipping my toenails. I missed bean sprouts. Whine whine whine — I had a very easy pregnancy, I was just ready to get that kid (who I loved and was excited to meet) out of me already!

This time around, I felt pretty much the same way initially. I had some wicked morning sickness for a bit, then was exhausted (I would have been so grateful to have been able to make it all the way until 10 pm this time!), and then, you know, bored for all the same reasons as before. As usual, I thought, I don’t particularly like being pregnant and I wanted to skip right to the good parts — labor, birth, and meeting our new wee one!

But tonight as I was doing dishes I realized that despite the fact that I’m in my 3rd trimester and threw up my breakfast anyway this morning (thanks, baby!), despite the fact that every time my partner has a glass of red wine I am extremely jealous, despite the fact that my pre-schooler waking up a mere 45 minutes early had me falling asleep on the couch after lunch this afternoon, I might actually like being pregnant! What??

Part of it, I think, is that I have just been defeated by parenthood. While I miss some of the more wild and fun things I did pre-kid days, those days are far behind and in front of me at the moment, and I don’t pine for them this time around like I did before. It’s that my pregnant life is just not all that different than my non-pregnant life right now (either way it’s not like I go out on the town anymore right now, drink more than a glass or two, stay up that much past 10 anyway, etc). And honestly, while I miss some of the fun from my younger days, I love my life right now. I love being able to stay home with my kid. I love our little (soon-to-be-slightly-bigger!) family. I love the new wild and fun things we do together. And I love that we’re adding a little more fun to the mix in just a few months too.

It’s moments like this one that make me realize how much being a mama has changed me. It makes me laugh at myself that I’m going soft enough to quite possibly enjoy being pregnant this time around. If I’m lucky enough to be pregnant one more time, I’ll be curious to see whether I even decide it’s a grand old time right from the beginning (although I doubt it. I don’t think anything could change me enough to get me to have a soft spot for morning sickness!). But as I sit here with a tiny one inside my womb just finally settling down after a post-dinner workout, I am grateful to feel less impatient to get through the pregnancy this time and more able to savor moments like these.

Ah, parenthood, the ways we grow and learn about ourselves.

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Yes, thanks, I do want a midwife. Nursing a toddler. . . more comments

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