Expectations: thoughts on a second pregnancy, birth, and child

12 September 2011 at 8:21 am Leave a comment

When I was pregnant with my son (now three years old), the most difficult thing for me about the experience was that I’d never done this before–it was all completely new to me. In retrospect, I think that newness also made some things easier to accept. Now, though, at 28 weeks along with whoever this new baby will turn out to be, the most difficult thing for me is that I have “done this” before: it’s very strange, the constant comparison and remembering and weighing that goes on in my mind with this pregnancy.

Some things are obviously, tangibly different this time: I had a large, dark linea nigra on my belly with Marcus, but I barely have a visible one at all with this baby. I had an anterior placenta with Marcus, which muffled many of the big movements for me, but my placenta now must be in a different place as I feel so much more movement, and so many more constant large kicks and turns and wiggles, than the first time around.

I have to wonder how long this almost unconscious comparison process is going to go on, though. Through labor and birth? Through the newborn period? Forever? Parents always say they love their children equally, and I don’t doubt that, but this constant mental game of same/different is a new one to me, and I’m wondering if it ever fades into the background.

–Christina

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Due/Do Cheers for vaginal birth!

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